Keep Your Money Off My Breasts

There is no doubt that breastfeeding is a wonderful practice. It promotes bonding right from the start, it's healthy for baby, and dare I say, it's not only good for mama emotionally, it feels nice too. It doesn't always start out that way, however, and for some women it just doesn't work. With the current push for breastfeeding in the medical community, however, many issues that prevent women from breastfeeding, or make it incredibly difficult, are pushed aside. Instead, nurses and doctors have started an unfair practice of bludgeoning first time mothers with the benefits of nursing, piling on the pamphlets, and spreading the guilt on thick at the mere mention of formula feeding.

This has undoubtedly increased the number of breastfeeding mothers in the US, but is it worth the emotional turmoil it causes new parents? Or does this one-sided medical invasion of a private practice constitute abuse? The answers that I found, more or less by accident, may surprise you.

When I was pregnant with my first and only, I thought I did all of the research I could possibly do and that I was more or less prepared for anything. Needless to say, I was wrong. I have never read a story like my own, and as I have always found other mothers' tales a source of more comfort and learning than medical journal's do's and don't's, I give you mine in hopes that it may prepare you for your own breastfeeding intrusion.

I am excluding the name of the hospital I attended to avoid incriminating anyone, but I will say that from my first visit until my last I was asked every single time if I planned on breastfeeding my baby. I answered, "Yes" on each occasion, and finally followed that with, "Don't you keep this in your records if it is so important to you?" I was then forced to sit through repeated lectures and demonstrations during my scheduled visits on the practice. One included a ten minute session where a nurse fondled herself in front of me to show me the correct way to massage my glands. (I swear that I am a mature adult, but I had tears in my eyes the entire time trying not to laugh.)

Not only was I lectured on the pros of breastfeeding, which I believe are all entirely true, I was also heavily cautioned against any other type of feeding. Forget formula, even introducing a bottle with pumped breast milk in it could cause a terrible condition called "Nipple Confusion", the result being that a baby will refuse to go back to nursing after the dreaded introduction to a rubber replacement. I was told that if for any reason I had to interrupt regular breastfeeding, then cup feeding, a practice by which a baby sips or laps from a tiny cup, was the only way to go.

To make matters worse, on one of the many occasions I was asked if I planned to breastfeed, I finally worked up the courage to answer, "Yes, as long as I don't have any problems." The nurse looked at me sideways and said, "What problems?"

Anyone who is treated at a hospital, but especially folks as susceptible as first-time moms, should know that just because someone is called a nurse does not mean that they are experts in medicine, and it does not mean that they necessarily know more than you do, or at least not more than you can find out on your own. Though nurses are required to pass a national licensing exam called the National Council Licensure Examination for Registered Nurses, being a nurse is considered an entry level position and the degree level required for the job can be as low as a high school diploma.

This is not to put nurses down. I have known a great many that have been wonderful, intelligent, well educated, and eternally giving. This is just to warn you not to take what they say at face value if it sounds strange, one-sided, or just plain wrong. Though I did not know it at the time, breastfeeding can come with a host of problems from low supply and pain to plugged ducts and fungal infections. That nurse was wrong, and her condescending answer that day would take its toll on me a few months later.

Finally, after 37 long weeks, I had my baby girl. Because of a necessary c-section, she was handed to me in the recovery room, and almost immediately latched on to my breast, no problem. She was perfect, I was in heaven, and I thought that I was all set on our breastfeeding journey. Again, I was wrong.

By the second day of my daughter's life she had completely blistered the nipple on my left breast. The pain was unbearable, even though the pain killers I was being shot up with after the cesarean. Though I was encouraged by the nurses to continue to feed my daughter on the injured breast, I couldn't bear the pain, and so, for a full day, I nursed her exclusively on my right. By the end of that day my right nipple was so raw that her tiny sucklings brought tears to my eyes, and she now wanted nothing to do with the other as it had scabbed over.

Worse still, my milk didn't seem to be doing it for her. She was dropping weight fast, we were having latching issues, and she was not happy. During one of our struggles a nurse actually grabbed and squeezed my raw nipple without even asking me!

Despite my greatest and most painstaking efforts, breastfeeding was a problem for us. After she had been screaming on and off for a few hours I finally rang the nurse and uttered the unthinkable, "Get some formula in here, NOW!" A team of pediatricians and nurses arrived, all wearing a solemn frown of defeat, to assist me in giving my baby her first cup feeding of formula. One of the nurses even said with disdain, "Well, you have to keep the baby from crying somehow."

I felt like a complete failure. Why was I having problems breastfeeding when there are no problems associated with breastfeeding? This might seem like a small quandary, but when you are 48 hours postpartum, nothing is small. Much to my husband's dismay, both his new baby and his wife were sobbing for much of our hospital stay.

One of the attending pediatricians must have taken some pity on me during that cup feeding episode, because late that night my little family and I had a strange visit. The young doctor came into our room with two tiny bottles of formula. "Hide these until you need them, and if anyone asks you, don't tell them where you got this." My husband and I looked at one another in shock. What was going on here?

As time went on my little lady and I got the hang of the whole breastfeeding thing and I began to feel better about myself. (Though I will say that I wished the whole time that I didn't measure my mothering skills against my breastfeeding abilities, but despite my inherent cynicism, I had been brainwashed.) Though it could be grueling to wake up every two hours to feed her in those early weeks, the ritual was definitely a source of comfort to us both.

During her first round of immunizations (yes, I had my baby vaccinated. Say what you will) I struck up a conversation with a particularly down-to-earth nurse about the ridiculous amount of breastfeeding propaganda that the hospital fed to its patients. I recounted the story of the pediatrician and she shook her head. Closing the door so that no one else would hear, she told me that New York State provided monetary incentives to hospitals that produced high numbers of breastfeeding mothers. Though I had heard this from a friend of mine who is a local social worker, what I didn't know was that the nurses were made to attend informational sessions on the benefits of breastfeeding, and then told by the hospital administration that giving formula to mothers who had opted to breastfeed (probably during their scheduled visits when they were grilled and manipulated like I was) could result in their termination. She said that baby formula was kept under lock and key and that a sign-out and approval process was necessary before dolling out the offending solution.

No wonder I was treated the way I was. I received the same brainwashing that the nurses did, and was then subjected to their torturous disapproval and disdain because they were looking at me like a pay cut. And this, my fellow first-time mothers, is a huge problem.

You are not responsible for the financial needs of the medical institution where you choose to have your baby. It is also not your fault that many of the nurses you encounter may not know that formula is not an evil substance that makes babies sick and fat. Yes, breastfeeding is great, but at the end of the day you need to do what you feel is best for your baby. My only regret is that I waited as long as I did to cup feed my little girl when she was hungry and upset.

So, in closing, take back your breasts. Don't let your state define how or what you feed your child, and certainly do not allow your breasts to be lactating money bags for potentially uneducated and uncaring hospital staff. They are yours and, if you choose, your baby's, to enjoy as you please and how you please. There are numerous websites on the pros, cons, and potential problems that breastfeeding mothers may experience. Educate yourself, and most of all, have patience, love, and respect for what you are going through. The first month of motherhood was the most tiring, painful, emotional experience of my life. It only became rewarding when I started loving myself enough to enjoy it.

Oh, and by the way, my baby has had many a bottle feeding and still breastfeeds just fine. Nipple Confusion be damned.

#newyork #breastfeeding #earlymotherhood #hospitals